Beer Me a Basketball Hypothetical

It's been a while since I first beered you a hypothetical, and this is one that I have thought about for a while, so I decided to do some research. I assume most sports junkies like to have a decent amount of knowledge when it comes to where pro players played their college ball, and not only that, it makes for good trash talk when you can say your college has had more or better pros.

When it comes to making lineups out of college alumni I think the NBA is the only sport where you can actually make a decent amount of complete starting lineups. Most of the schools I'm about to list will be pretty obvious, but I'd say at least a few of them might come as a surprise. (My beloved Longhorns being one of them of course, why else would I do the research?) Also a few schools mentioned in Pat Forde's top ten programs are missing. Kentucky, Louisville, and Indiana to be exact. And before you start arguing at how B.S. this list is, note that I'm making the lineups by CURRENT NBA players, and by their current level of skill, injured or not. (For example, Gilbert Arenas.)

Hypothetical #2

Which college's alumni, currently playing in the NBA, would make the best lineup?

I'm taking the top six players and making the best starting lineup, along with a sixth man. I'm taking position into consideration as much as possible but inevitably some lineups might be heavily weighted towards a certain position, because I'm still trying to take the best six players. A few colleges have great players in the NBA (Syracuse, Georgetown, Marquette) but not enough to make a decent lineup. As you can see I added a poll gadget to my blog so you can vote which team you think is the best, but I'm listing my personal top ten (with an admitted slight bias for Texas) in order from worst to best. By the way, I used basketballreference.com as my source, but they don't have this years rookies, although I did my best to include them. Here goes:

10. Georgia Tech

5 - Chris Bosh

4 - Matt Harpring

3 - Thaddeus Young

2 - Stephon Marbury

1 - Jarret Jack

6th - Javaris Crittenton

9. Florida

5 - Al Horford

4 - David Lee

3 - Udonis Haslem

2 - Mike Miller

1 - Corey Brewer

6th - Joakim Noah

8. UCLA

5 - Kevin Love

4 - Trevor Ariza

3 - Matt Barnes

2 - Baron Davis

1 - Russell Westbrook

6th - Jordan Farmar

7. Kansas

5 - Nick Collison

4 - Drew Gooden

3 - Paul Pierce

2 - Kirk Hinrich

1 - Mario Chalmers

6th - Darrell Arthur (you can go with Brandon Rush or Julian Wright if it makes you feel better)

6. TEXAS

5 - LaMarcus Aldridge

4 - Kevin Durant

3 - Maurice Evans

2 - Daniel Gibson

1 - TJ Ford

6th - DJ Augustin

5. Arizona

5 - Channing Frye

4 - Andre Igoudala

3 - Richard Jefferson

2 - Gilbert Arenas

1 - Mike Bibby

6th - Jason Terry

4. North Carolina

5 - Rasheed Wallace

4 - Antawn Jamison

3 - Marvin Williams

2 - Vince Carter

1 - Raymond Felton

6th - Rashad McCants

3. Duke

5 - Carlos Boozer

4 - Elton Brand

3 - Loul Deng

2 - Corey Maggette

1 - Chris Duhon

6th - Shane Battier

2. UCONN

5 - Emeka Okafor

4 - Charlie Villanueva

3 - Ray Allen

2 - Richard Hamilton

1 - Ben Gordon

6th - Caron Butler

1. Wake Forest

5 - Darius Songalia

4 - Tim Duncan

3 - *insert Al-Farouq Aminu in 3 months

2 - Josh Howard

1 - Chris Paul

6th - *insert Jeff Teague in 3 months

I know putting soon-to-be rookies on the Wake Forest squad is cheap, but they will be in the NBA as soon as the draft comes, and I think it's safe to say they'll both come out, even after they laid an egg against Cleveland St., which killed my bracket no less. With the best power forward and point guard in the game in this lineup, along with an all-star caliber (not of late, believe me, I'm a Mavs fan) small forward, I feel you can throw anyone in there with them, thats just how good I think they are. Also, you can put up good arguments to swap my 4 and 5, and my 6 and 7, but that's just how I see it. (And I see it from 5'7" off the ground with only one year of high school basketball experience; I'm not claiming to be anything I'm not, but I am a fan.)

**BONUS**

If you can consider this a bonus, I'm making the lineups of players who didn't play college basketball (in the U.S.). One American and one international. I hope after you see these two lineups it should be understood which one I think is better, not that the other one isn't also amazing.

International

5 - Yao Ming

4 - Pau Gasol

3 - Dirk Novitzki

2 - Manu Ginobili

1 - Tony Parker

6th - Jose Calderon

U.S.

5 - Dwight Howard

4 - Kevin Garnett

3 - Lebron James

2 - Kobe Bryant

1 - Monta Ellis

6th - Amare Stoudamire

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I'm sending out an S.O.S.

Since I gave you my much anticipated (by me) 2nd installment of Beer Me a Hypothetical, I figure I'd include my 2nd installment of Sending out an S.O.S. I know just because it's the second time I've done it, doesn't make it it cool. We are in agreement, don't worry. This one goes out to Mark Titus, you may have read his blog or seen him as a listed inspirer on my profile, either way, he deserves a shout out (however insignificant this one may be). He is the founder of a club and blog called Club Trillion. I highly suggest you read it, or listen to the Bill Simmons Podcasts that he has been on (two to date). Anyway, he is an ex-manager turned scholarship player turned walk-on for the Ohio State Buckeye basketball team and he gives quite the humorous and sawesome insight to life as a college basketball bench-rider. Obviously he has gained quite the recognition since he has been on a couple of BS Reports (Simmons' podcasts), not to mention his blog receives about 10,000 hits per day. All this in the span of about five months. Impressive? I think so. But the main reason he gets the shout out is not because of what I just mentioned, no, instead it is because the fact that as an otherwise irrelevant part of the college basketball scene, he has managed to garner the attention of Erin Andrews, whom he jokingly refers to as Erin Andrews-Titus. I'm not trying to be one of those VH1-esque gossip blogs talking about Erin Andrews' love life and what not, I'm just saying that he managed to get her to track him down for a conversation (as he stated in his second BS Report appearance), and if that doesn't make you just a little bit jealous, well than you might just have to check the room your reading this in and make sure it's not a closet. Anyways, regardless if it ever reaches your computer screen (I would bet against it on Streak for the Cash) here's your shout out Mark "The Shark" Titus.

Here's a sample of his humor at work, pre-blog era. More of the same is found at his blog which you should read.

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Since this entry has a basketball theme, I figure I'd correlate the only (regretfully so) YouTube clip with the rest of the entry. This video helps explain why I "choose" not to dunk. Note, me not dunking has nothing to with being 5'7" or lack of levitation-ability, homes. Instead, it has to do with a fear of heights. I enjoy being near the ground, much unlike the girl in this video. Enjoy.

Crazy Blob Jump Launch!

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Before your attention span deserts you

*You can now send any questions, approvals, complaints, job offers, and suggestion box ideas to NoneChance@gmail.com. You know want to, except for complaints, you don't want to send those.

**You can always post comments on a post by clicking on the comments link at the end of each post, and I just added an email Icon that will help you send the particular entry to any friends, family, and even people you don't particularly care for. Thanks.

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Song of the Post

Here It Comes - Modest Mouse

Beer Me a Hypothetical

Let me just throw this out there; I like hypotheticals, a lot. Sure, in hindsight they are a complete waste of time, but usually so is two-thirds of my day. And at least a quarter of my day is spent sleeping so you do the math on how much productive time I pump out per day. Anyways, I think hypotheticals are great for numerous reasons. Reason A, they are a great conversation starter in cases where people don't know each other that well because of their often ridiculous and lighthearted nature. Reason B, I love sports and the two go together like Pamela Anderson and red one-pieces. For example, (and this one has been fiercely argued over between some of my good friends) Could you ever score a single point against Kobe Bryant in one-on-one if he is trying his hardest? (For my particular friend I said no.) The last reason is how sawesome (super awesome) and over-the-top they can get over a few drinks, which is why I'm beering you a hypothetical.

Hypothetical #1


If the five shortest and five tallest NBA players since 1990 played against each other while in their prime, who would win. Team Short: Mugsy Bogues (5'3"), Earl Boykins (5'5"), Spud Webb (5'7"), Nate Robinson (5'9"), and player-coach Avery Johnson (5'9"). I found quite a few at 5'9" but I chose these two for Nate's dunking ability and Avery's unintentional-humor factor. Team Tall: at point guard Yao Ming (7'6"), Chuck Nevitt (7'5"), Shawn Bradley (7'6"), Gheorghe Muresan (7'7"), and Manute Bol (7'7"). Before I get into why I think a certain team will win, here's a couple videos to help explain myself better. (might want to turn the volume down if at you are at work)

At first I was only going to post the Yao video, but I know half of my eight readers (friends), are Rockets fan who take jabs at Yao Ming personally, whereas Mavs fans like myself think jabs at Shawn Bradley are funny too. Obviously I would go with the short squad, and for various reasons that include: the three point line, the stamina factor, the better overall talent on Team Short, and personal bias, since I measure the same as Spud. If you disagree I'd like to hear why. If you're also short and know or work with someone very tall, remember, there's nothing wrong with talking hypotheticals over some cold brew. Likewise if you're tall and work with someone very short.

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Song of the Post

Ottoman - Vampire Weekend