Monday, February 23, 2009

In the beginning...

...there I was, no job, no girlfriend, not famous, not an integral part of the greater-good. The beginning, was today. Many of the simple-minded type might be quick to assume that a young twenties male as myself with the aforementioned status would be depressed or down on life. But as strong-minded folks, you and I both know that is far from the truth. And I hope that if you (male or female) and I are currently in the same boat, you are not depressed or down on life. But if you are, it's a good thing you found this blog and a better thing that you've read this far, which are the first steps in improving your GDH (Gross Domestic Happiness). Next step, keep reading. If you are rowing alongside me on the "Loving Life" boat, not to be mistaken with "The Love Boat", you can keep reading too.

This blog was started with the intentions of giving you, however you regretfully got here, a chuckle, a smile, a little time to waste at a job you may or may not hate, and ingenious (under-qualified is an overstatement) insight to the sports, and occasionally entertainment, worlds. Also, I will most likely make minor adjustments to the format as I learn more about blogger. If this scares you, my comforting embrace is waiting and ready.

Let's get this road on the show...
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I occasionally have a theory or three about certain phenomena, but so does just about everyone else. In fact, most other people have well qualified theories, ones that use much research and scientific explanation to back them up. Others have sources that have given them information to help give credibility to their theories. Side note, any time a professional journalist uses "his sources" as a their only grounds behind a headlining rumor-starting article, excluding this one (and by excluding I mean especially), it makes me feel a lot more optimistic about my life goal of doing as little as possible to be successful. After taking into consideration that most theories have some kind of explanation or credibility behind them and mine only have me, I've decided to call my theories, meories. 

Meory #1

Extreme blunders at the collegiate and professional sports levels don't happen naturally. You won't see a New Orleans' Coyote Ugly bartender fall off the bar during Mardi Gras so I have a meory why fine-tuned athletes who perform their tasks like well-oiled machines have given us the following moments of greatness. Some might say mental lapse, or freak accident. I say neither. The only reasonable explanation for the strong-minded like you and I is there was a personal wager with a close teammate, friend, or relative to act out this blunder during an actual game. I assume the wager's have gone down no differently than the wager in Billy Madison where he is double-dog-dared to grab Veronica Vaughn's breast. (This is also my meory behind Christian Bale's blow up on set, Batman is only second to Jesus when it comes to screwing up.) If you have a better theory behind these not so professional feats, let me here it.

Dan Majerle Travel

Julian Wright Dunk Attempt

Dan Orlovsky Safety

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You're sitting on a gold mine Trebek.

Except, I'm Sean Connery (I wish) and Brian Austin Green is Alex Trebek (Trebek wishes). The gold mine, a how-to book about getting beautiful girls that are way out of your league. I'm not talking about Tiffany Amber Thiessen or Vanessa Marcil, whom he dated and married, respectively. He was at his popularity peak when he B.A.G.ged those two. (two birds with one stone, bagged is my new term for a guy who gets a girl way out of his league) I'm talking about Megan Fox, no need to link her because you, guy or girl, have already fantasized about her. She is on the rise with Transformers 2 coming out and possibly being the next Lara Croft in the new Tomb Raider series. BAG on the other hand, peaked with a television series 10 years ago. Sure she'd dump him faster than the Texas Rangers dump a quality pitching prospect, but at least he'd make a fortune off of it. There's no question she'll leave him once she lands the leading role in a box office hit, just like Leach will leave Tech as soon as the right offer is on the table. He's a stepping stone to the big time. Furthermore, I wouldn't be suprised if she starts dating Brad Pitt the moment she gets signed on as Lara Croft. It makes sense for BP for two reasons. (did I mention I am also qualified to call actors and actresses by their initials because of my acting experience as a christmas tree in a fourth grade play?) One, his life span of good looks will out last Angelina's, think Paul Newman and Elizabeth Taylor. Second, he could than excuse all his major break ups as an incurable obsession he has to date Lara Croft. You know what, any chance to post a link of Megan Fox (always work-safe) should not be passed up, my apologies. (I guess this screw up puts me somewhere behind Jesus and Batman)
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Song of the Post

For future reference, it could be any genre, and will most likely not be played on the radio 50 times a day. If you like it great, if you don't, let's just be friends. Also, it will usually be in form of myspace, purevolume, or youtube. (streaming music site suggestions are appreciated)

Minus the Bear - Pachuca Sunrise (Acoustic)
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The chances this blog gets me a full-time job, a girlfriend, makes me famous, or makes me an integral part of the greater-good...

...NoneChance

1 comment:

  1. David!!!! I love your blog!! You have always cracked me up so now I can get a daily laugh even though I can't talk to you every day!

    ReplyDelete